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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 17, Episode 10
The following is a guide to Scenes We'd Like To See suggestions for the tenth episode of the seventeenth series. Key EB: Ed Byrne KG: Kerry Godliman EG: Ed Gamble LD: Larry Dean HD: Hugh Dennis AB: Angela Barnes Topics Things You Wouldn't Hear At A Party Conference KG: Mazel tov! LD: Why are we having this conference in Blackpool? Two words: Cheap cocaine. EG: Jeremy Hunt is having a heart attack! Is there a doctor in the house? Why are you laughing? AB: So we'll be having one speech from a Remainer, a speech from a Brexiteer, another speech from a Remainer, another speech from a Brexiteer, and then Boris Johnson will drop his trousers. So that's in, out, in, out, shake it all about. EG: What this conference has told me is that this party needs more women because the hotel bar last night was an absolute sausage fest. EB: Welcome, delegates, to this year's Liberal Democrats conference (imitating echo) conference, conference, conference... HD: So to those who say we have alienated too many groups in society to get elected, late me say this: Fuck off. LD: I know some of you have been challenging my leadership, and to you, I say bring it on, ya bawbags! EB: Some of said that the Labour party has lost contact with its working-class roots, but I say to these people the same thing I said to my driver this morning: "Do not address me directly!" HD: So, now that we've sorted out Brexit... EB: They told us Brexit was undeliverable, they told us was unworkable. But where are they now? They are outside with banners saying "I told you so." AB: Right, it's the Green Party conference and now it's time to break for lunch. Who ordered the veal? LD: I'm afraid Rees-Mogg can't be with us today. Something strung garlic at the threshold and he can't pass through. HD: So everything is still on the table. Why has no one cleared the table? KG: It's incredible to think that some people think of us as a cult. Anyway, could you all just line up while Jeremy Corbyn chooses his wives? EG: Of course the Tories are like regular people! You should have seen us in the bar last night, Giles' wet nurse downed a whole bottle of port! HD: We have had soft Brexit, we have had hard Brexit, but now we have a more digestable alternative: Ready Brexit. Unlikely Lines From A TV Detective Show EG: (sniffs something) Hmm. Interesting. I think it might be fox. KG: Sierra, Alpha, Disco, Poker, Nipple-- actually, I've got no idea what I'm talking about. AB: After seven tedious seasons, things finally pick up on CSI: Salisbury! LD: I want photographs of the body. I'll take an 8x10 canvas, a key ring, and a mouse mat. HD: There are 16 different semen samples in this bed, Sarge. I should have read the TripAdvisor report on this hotel. EG: And as you can see from the chalk outline, the victim had a tiny head and was sitting on a giant circle. Sorry, I think that's a disabled parking space. KG: So your crime number is 100000-- Oh my God, you're our millionth customer!-- I'm really sorry what happened to your husband. HD: Welcome to the new detective show from the Northeast, CS-Why-Aye: Newcastle. KG: Two inches to the left and that bullet would have gone right through your eyeball. But as it is, it went through your other eyeball. EB: (groaning) Oh god, I have to go to the morgue. He's always eating a sandwich. We get it. You're desensitized. Well done. AB: Everybody get down, 'cause this is disco! EG: Look, I am very sorry that your father never hugged you, but when I said "It's the police, open up"... KG: Okay, what I suppose we can deduce is that either the victim was naked and extremely well-endowed or whoever drew this chalk outline is extremely immature. LD: On the doll, please show me where you were grabbed by the President. EG: Ms. Harris, I'm sorry I have to do this, but we want you to identify a body-- this body! No, but seriously, there is a body and we think it's your fiance. LD: Fourteen bullet wounds to the head. Classic suicide. EB: Oh wait! Maybe it's a man pretending to shit like a fox! KG: Welcome to Sun Hill police station. I'm PC Every British Actor's First TV Gig and this is Sargent Too Ugly For Hollyoaks. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See